I care

Did you know?...
That telling someone who cares about you, that no one cares about you, might be insulting?

I care. I am here. Don't tell me no one is. I am. I care. Don't push that.

Help.

If I knew what to say, I would say it.
If I knew what to do, I would do it.
If I knew how to help, I would help.
But I don’t know what to say, or what to do, or how to help, so I can’t.
And I even struggle to understand.
And that destroys me.
And what does that leave us with?
More destroyed people.

Help.

In Need of a Change

I didn’t really think about it until it happened. 20 years old… I am 20 years old. Doesn’t seem like a huge deal right? It’s not like 13, when you become a teenager. It’s not like 16 when you can now get a driver’s license. It’s not like 18 when you can vote or gamble. And it’s definitely not like 19 when you can finally (legally) consume alcohol. 20 years old gives you pretty much nothing. However, I am taking it really really hard. I know it’s just a number, but it hit me like a ton of bricks: I’m officially not a teenager anymore.

At my age, my mother was married and living with my dad. What am I doing? I’m at home, living with my parents. I actually still count on my mom to make my dinner and do my laundry. Is that wrong? And I’m still in school (which is a good thing, I know) but it just feels stale. I go to school, go to work, and do homework during the week, and party on the weekends. It’s the same thing I’ve been doing for a while now. I enjoy it, or at least I used to, until I thought to myself.. what have I actually accomplished in the past twenty years?

 I can answer that in three words: not very much. Yeah, I graduated high school, got into university, etc, etc… I did exactly everything that was expected of me, exactly the way in which it was expected. But I’ve never done anything that wasn’t part of the plan, nothing really memorable. I guess that’s why 20 was such a hard one for me. I literally feel like I’m supposed to move out of my parents house and learn to survive on my own. But let’s face it, if you know me at all, you know I’ll probably never be able to survive on my own. That’s not putting an end to this weird feeling I have though. I guess I just really need a change… Maybe it’s time for something that was never part of the plan.

XXOX, J.

Just a Quote

Not knowing what you feel, that's not the same as not feeling anything.

-Criminal Minds



XXOX, J.

2011

Today is the first day of the last month in 2011. This year has been an interesting one, a bad one, a good one, a hard one, etc.
Anyways, I thought I'd take the time to mention the 15 things that got me through this year:

1. My Mom - She should get the Mom of the year award this year, hands down.

2. My friends - The new ones, the old ones, and especially my unbiological sister!

3. Dylan - His strength keeps me going.

4. The people who forced me to give a shit.

5. The people who allowed me not to.

6. Alcohol - 'nuff said!

7. My family reunion - It gave me something to look forward to and a good break from my real life.

8. Gilmore Girls - They always put me in a better mood.

9. My car - I don't know if I could have held on to my sanity without my meditative drives.

10. Books - I love falling into someone else's world.

11. How I Met Your Mother - My new favourite sit-com; these guys are seriously funny and can lighten any day!

12. The stars - They remind me that my possibilities are endless.

13. Music - Especially my Hedley and Kate Vogele albums.

14. My camp - My favourite place in the whole world.

15. Myself - Sounds self-centered but I found strength in myself this year that I didn't even know I had.

XXOX,
J.

Tumblr

So I'm trying out this tumblr thing..

I will still be posting on this blog, however, I will post radom pictures and quotes on tumblr if you want to check it out!

Here's the link:

http://jvallieres14.tumblr.com/

Have a good week!

XXOX, J.

I'm Not Sure if I'm Normal But...

The other day, I was talking to an old friend. We were talking about relationships and I told him that I have changed my whole outlook on them. He asked me how so. My reply almost surprised me, but I realized that it was the most honest answer I think I've ever given:
"Well, I think that you should never compromise yourself or anything you believe in for a relationship. You shouldn't devote your entire life and most of your time to just one person. You shouldn't let anyone tell you what to do and if your significant other is stopping you or preventing you or holding you back from doing what you want, you need to let them go. Life's too short to put too much effort into a relationship. If you're not happy, move on. If you need to fix something, it's not worth it. And people never change, no matter how often they said they would or how much you want them to. I'm almost 20, that's way too young to be focused on just one person. And if I have to focus on just one person, it's gonna be me. There's so much I want to do and so many places I want to go (not visit, but go) and I won't let anyone stand in my way. It's pretty selfish of me, I know. But if there's anything I've learned from my past, it's that sometimes you have to be selfish. When you give in, you give up."

Anyways, I just thought I'd share that, and I'd also like to share the link to my new student blog where I will be posting about my student experience at Laurentian University: http://blog.laurentian.ca/students/

XXOX, J.