2011

Today is the first day of the last month in 2011. This year has been an interesting one, a bad one, a good one, a hard one, etc.
Anyways, I thought I'd take the time to mention the 15 things that got me through this year:

1. My Mom - She should get the Mom of the year award this year, hands down.

2. My friends - The new ones, the old ones, and especially my unbiological sister!

3. Dylan - His strength keeps me going.

4. The people who forced me to give a shit.

5. The people who allowed me not to.

6. Alcohol - 'nuff said!

7. My family reunion - It gave me something to look forward to and a good break from my real life.

8. Gilmore Girls - They always put me in a better mood.

9. My car - I don't know if I could have held on to my sanity without my meditative drives.

10. Books - I love falling into someone else's world.

11. How I Met Your Mother - My new favourite sit-com; these guys are seriously funny and can lighten any day!

12. The stars - They remind me that my possibilities are endless.

13. Music - Especially my Hedley and Kate Vogele albums.

14. My camp - My favourite place in the whole world.

15. Myself - Sounds self-centered but I found strength in myself this year that I didn't even know I had.

XXOX,
J.

Tumblr

So I'm trying out this tumblr thing..

I will still be posting on this blog, however, I will post radom pictures and quotes on tumblr if you want to check it out!

Here's the link:

http://jvallieres14.tumblr.com/

Have a good week!

XXOX, J.

I'm Not Sure if I'm Normal But...

The other day, I was talking to an old friend. We were talking about relationships and I told him that I have changed my whole outlook on them. He asked me how so. My reply almost surprised me, but I realized that it was the most honest answer I think I've ever given:
"Well, I think that you should never compromise yourself or anything you believe in for a relationship. You shouldn't devote your entire life and most of your time to just one person. You shouldn't let anyone tell you what to do and if your significant other is stopping you or preventing you or holding you back from doing what you want, you need to let them go. Life's too short to put too much effort into a relationship. If you're not happy, move on. If you need to fix something, it's not worth it. And people never change, no matter how often they said they would or how much you want them to. I'm almost 20, that's way too young to be focused on just one person. And if I have to focus on just one person, it's gonna be me. There's so much I want to do and so many places I want to go (not visit, but go) and I won't let anyone stand in my way. It's pretty selfish of me, I know. But if there's anything I've learned from my past, it's that sometimes you have to be selfish. When you give in, you give up."

Anyways, I just thought I'd share that, and I'd also like to share the link to my new student blog where I will be posting about my student experience at Laurentian University: http://blog.laurentian.ca/students/

XXOX, J.

In a Fall Mood

I'm really not a winter person! However, I love fall and all of its beautiful colors. Therefore, I thought that a change in the design of my blog was in order. Hopefully, everytime you visit my blog, it will put you in a fall mood. Enjoy!

XXOX, J.

The Key to Happiness

Someone once told me: "The key to happiness, is being happy. The key to being unhappy is to try and please everyone." Lately, I've been thinking about this a lot. I've always agreed with the first part. On One Tree Hill they say "happiness is a mood, not a destination". I do believe that we have control over our own mood. If you want to be happy, you won't let anything get to you, you'll fight whatever it is that's getting you down, and you'll be happy. Of course I understand that some circumstances are different, but I'm speaking generally here. Now for the latter... "the key to being unhappy is to try and please everyone". I used to think that if those around me were happy, that I would be too. Somehow, that's not the case. By trying to please everyone, you end up losing sight of what you want and your own happiness. Therefore, I've officially had an epiphany. I will no longer be pleasing everyone. I'm going to try and please those whom I truly care about and that's it. However, I refuse to compromise myself or my goals to please anyone, no matter who they are.

XXOX, J.

6 - Complete a Myspace Survey

Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Partying or Sleeping

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
My baseball uniform

Does anyone hate you for no reason? 
Well they seem to think they have a reason, but it's pretty childish if you ask me.

Can you make yourself cry?
I've never really tried to

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Not to change anything, maybe just to relive a few things

What are your favourite colors?
Purple

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an T?
No

What are you doing tomorrow?
Playing baseball, partying

Are you easily confused?
No

What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
Chocolate

Are you taller than 5'4"?
No

Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
Yes

What color are your socks?
I'm not wearing any socks

Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Yes

Everything happens for a reason?
No

Have you ever dated someone more than once?
No

Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing?
Nope, they're pretty simple

Done something stupid lately?
Probably

Do you miss someone?
All the time

If your mad at someone how can they get you to forgive them?
It depends on the situation

What did you do today?
Homework, ran errands for my mom
  
Have you lied to a friend in the past 48 hours?
No

Are you ashamed of your past?
No

Who was the last person you yelled at?
My cat, Oreo

What woke you up this morning?
Nothing, I woke up on my own accord

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
I hope so

Anything bothering you lately?
Of course

Do you trust people?
Not a lot

Have you ever cried from being so mad?
Yes, I usually cry when I'm really angry

What were you doing at 5am this morning?
Sleeping

Where's the closest hoodie to you right now?
On the couch beside me

What should you be doing right now?
Homework

You just won the lottery, what do you do?
Save it for school, pay off my car, maybe buy a brand new seadoo for my Dad and a whole new wardrobe for my mother

Have you ever passed out and not known where you were?
Yes, once

Last time you went to starbucks?
Wednesday

Are you bitchy?
I can be sometimes

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning?
In the morning

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
I do

Where did you sleep three nights ago?
My bed

Is there someone you wish you were with right now?
I guess

What are the color of your eyes?
Blue

Have you ever eaten an uncooked cookie?
Yes, it's called cookie dough, by the way

Is there a place that you wish you could visit?
I'd really like to go to Venice before it sinks completely

Did you go to sleep smiling last night? 
No
 
When is the last time you were in a photo booth taking pictures, with who?
Quite a while ago, with my best friend, Danika Lavoie

Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Yes

Who's the last person you told a secret to?
My mom

Have you faced any of your fears lately?
Not really
 
Do you prefer to hold or be held?
I'm not really much of a cuddler

Do you have strange dreams?
All the time

Whats been the best thing that happened today?
Facebook for Blackberry updated and it's much better than the old one

Who is the 9th contact in your phone?
Carly Belanger

Is your last name longer than 6 letters?
Yes

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
No

Does anyone call you baby?
Not really
 
Have you ever been called heartless?
I have

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Yes

What are you doing?
I'm talking on the phone while doing this

Is someone on your mind right now?
No

If you could spend more time with someone you used to be very close with, who would it be?
My friends

Is there someone you will never forget?
There are a lot of people

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a J?
Yes

Do you truly hate anyone?
Maybe

Do you want someone back in your life?
Yes

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone & what did you talk about?
Danika Lavoie and all sorts of things

Who are all the texts from in your inbox?
 My phone keeps all of my texts so I won't start naming them all

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a C, K, M, J, P, E or D?
Yes

What's going on between you and the last person you texted?
We are best friends
 
Are you listening to music?
No

Are you single?
Yes
  
Someone phones you at 3:00 AM; who do you expect it to be?
Someone who really needs to talk

Have you ever been hit on through a text message?
Yes

What brings out the worst in you?
It depends

Do you have tan lines?
Yes

Ever kissed someone who used to smoke/smokes?
Yes

Has anyone disappointed you recently?
Yes

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
Yes

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
Yes
  
Have you ever kissed someone with tattoos?
No

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with an S?
Yes
 
What was the last thing you bought?
Alcohol

How are you feeling?
Not bad

Is there someone you used to talk to everyday but don't anymore?
Yes

Last December were you in a relationship?
No

How's your heart lately?
Fine
 
Be honest, who is the easiest person in your life to talk to?
Danika Lavoie
 
Do you have any plans for Friday?
It is Friday and I do have plans
 
What time did you wake up today?
9

Did you kiss someone today?
No

If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead?
Alcoholic but I would never let myself get that way
 
Can you honestly say that at this point and time your happy with the way things are going in your life?
Yes

Do you trust the last person you texted with your life?
Yes

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out your life?
Of course

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours?
Yes

Do you have any tattoos?
Yes

Have you drank alcohol recently?
I guess more recently enough

Are you a social person?
Sometimes

Coffee or alcohol?
Alcohol

Do you ever cry during movies?
All the time

Do you ever get good morning calls from anyone?
No

Whens the last time you dyed your hair?
August 19th

Are you wearing something that doesn't belong to you?
No

Last person to comment your pictures?
My aunt, I believe

Do you curse in front of your parents?
Yes

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Not from some people
 
Think back to the last person you held hands with, have you kissed them?
No

Are you a good person?
Not always

How tall are you?
like 5'2

What do you do to stay awake when you're tired?
Drink juice

Are all nighters something you have grown used to?
Yes, University does that to you

Do you use sun block or tanning accelerator?
Neither

What clothes are you most comfortable in?
PJ shorts
 
Is there anybody you're not ashamed to tell anything to?
Yes

What has changed most about you in the past year?
The way I depend on people
 
Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations?
No, I usually start signing "Skinamarinky dinky dink, skinamarinky do..."

What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary?
The "F" bomb

Will you eat something if it falls on the ground?
No

Do you rip out the page if you make a mistake writing, or cross it out?
It depends

Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life?
No

Do you use a full length mirror daily?
Yes, I can't really walk into my bedroom without looking in one

Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them?
I can walk in heels

Any TV shows you sit down weekly to watch?
Quite a few, but I don't really have the time to sit and watch them so I record them on my PVR then watch them in my free time. The shows I watch weekly are: America's Got Talent, The Bachelor/Bachelor Pad, Rookie Blue, The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Make it or Break it, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, How I Met Your Mother, Hawaii Five-O, and I'm probably forgetting some but oh well

Do you care much for the music on the radio?
I have Satellite radio, so yes

Do you think feminism is necessary anymore?
No

Do you ever actually make your bed?
I never really have to

Do you make an effort to eat healthy?
Yes

Is there a person that you can go to in sweats, hair a mess, and still feel comfy?
Yes
 
Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?
Apparently

Has a boy sat on your bed?
Yes

Who did you last talk to in person?
My mom

Do you know what "devils night is"?
Yes

Was last night terrible?
It wasn't good

What did you do?
Worked

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
Yes

Who did you last share your bed with over night?
Probably Danika Lavoie

Would you prefer being locked in a room with your ex or your worst enemy?
Depends wich ex

When was the last time you were on the phone with the opposite sex for over an hour?
It's been a little while
 
Are you a morning person or a night person?
I can be both
 
Is it hard to say "I love you" to people?
Harder then it should be

Do you think you'll have the same best friend a year from now?
Without a doubt
 
Are your parents still together?
Yes

Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
Yes

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Yes

Are you a jealous person?
Not at all
 
Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
No

What was the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Peach Juice

Does the future scare you?
No, it excites me

Do you clean when you're upset?
Haha! No

Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?
No
  
Will you be in a relationship next month?
Probably not

Have you ever met a gay person?
Yes

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
Yes
 
Are you one of those people who just don't care?
It depends what we're talking about
 
What time is it right now?
3:30 pm

Is there anything stressing you out currently?
School, already

You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any tension?
No
  
Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
In between

Are you on a laptop now?
Yes

Do you miss your past?
A little bit
  
Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated?
Yes

Explain what you will be doing in three hours?
Playing baseball

Are you planning any upcoming vacations?
Florida in February
 
What's your current problem?
This computer keeps freezing

Did you cry at all today?
No

Do you find yourself thinking back to your past often?:
Not as much anymore

Are there any moments that you relive over and over again?:
One. Everyday.

Do you remember the good times or the bad times more?:
Both
 
When was the worst time of your life?:
The year from May 2010 to May 2011

Do you think you are calmer now than in the past?:
I`m not sure

What was the best vacation you've ever been on?:
Florida

Did you travel more in the past or more now?:
It`s pretty even, I guess

Were you more religious in the past than you are now?:
Definitely

Do you ever look back and think, "Wow, I was dumb!"?:
Sometimes

Which year did you have the best birthday ever?
My 13th, 16th and 19th

Did you have / attend a lot of sleepovers?
Yes

Do you like the age you are now?:
Yes

Think back to 3 years ago, how different do you look?:
A bit, I guess

Do you feel like you've changed more physically or mentally?:
Mentally

Do you feel like you are past your "partying" stage?:
No

Could you settle down and have a family right now?:
No

Are you old enough to drink legally?:
Yes

Are you friends with anyone you've known since you were little?:
Yes

Do you know what you want to do with your life?:
Yes

Do you believe there is a meaning to life?:
No

Is it important for you not to "sin" in your lifetime?:
No

Would you like to have kids someday?:
No

Do you think you'd be a good parent?:
No

What do you want to do before you die?:
So many things

XXOX, J.

5 - A Picture of Somewhere you've Been

The place I've travelled to the most often is Florida, so here is my favorite Florida picture:

XXOX, J.

Freshman Year of University

I've been trying to find an interesting way to describe my freshman year of University. I decided on a list...

My year consisted of:
- 7 passed courses
- 6 exams
- 61 tests
- 2 failed tests
- 5 boring professors
- 1 break up
- 2 hook ups
- 25 skipped classes
- 32 last minutes essays
- 11 essays done ahead of time
- 158 stupid quiz emails
- 58 parties
- 4 nights spent on the bathroom floor
- 30 lost pens
- 22 books
- 10 sleepless nights
- 5 complete breakdowns
- 2 rumours
- 2 trips
- 12 games of flipcup
- 25 games of beer pong
- 14600 text messages
- 1200 phone calls
- 31 drives just blasting music, going nowhere
- 50 Starbuck treats
- 1240 hours worked
- 55 hours spent by a hospital bedside
- 2 amazing siblings
And so many memories I'll never forget!

XXOX, J.

4 - A Habit you Wish you Didn't Have

I have a lot of bad habits. Most of them are pretty common: biting my nails, chewing the inside of my cheek, etc.. However, if I could get rid of one of my habits, it would be to sleep with the TV on.

I have a ridiculous fear of ghosts. Well, not really ghosts, for that matter, but more accurately dead people coming to visit me. It's pretty stupid, I know, but I can't shake that fear. For the longest time, I wasn't really afraid of anyone coming to visit me because no one that close to me had actually died. My Grandparents on my mother's side and my father's aunt were probably the closest ones, however, I couldn't imagine them really having a reason to come see me. Then, last year when my friend Steph passed away, my fear became more real to me. I was terrified that he'd come say hi. It's ridiculous because if I did have the chance to speak to him again, I would probably or should probably be thrilled. But I know I'd just be scared. That's why, since that day, I've slept with the TV on. The light and the noise comforts me. The downfall to this is that I've become so accustomed to it that I find it extremely difficult too sleep anywhere else but my house, because I can't have the TV on. When I go to camp, or to a friend's, I sleep so horribly. For that reason, I'd love to be able to get rid of that habit.

XXOX, J.

3 - A Picture of you and Friends

This is a picture taken at my best friend's 19th birthday:

XXOX, J.

2 - The Meaning Behind your Blog Name/URL

JVallieres14 is pretty simple. It's the first letter of my first name, my entire last name, and I was born on the 14th of January.

XXOX, J.

1 - A Recent Picture of Yourself and 15 Facts About You

I don't really take pictures alone, so here's one of me and my best friend!

Now here goes for the facts:
1. My middle name is Pamela
2. I was a gymnast for 13 years
3. I have a tattoo of a blue shooting star on my lower back
4. I can't sleep without the TV being on
5. I'm a University student
6. I'm 5'2"
7. I can't whistle
8. I'm pretty useless most of the time
9. The most expensive thing I own is my 2009 Ice Blue Ford Focus :)
10. My nose sunburns pretty easily, apparently
11. Most of my pet-peeves consist of grammatical or pronounciation errors
12. I'm pretty sarcastic
13. When something's funny, I repeat it for at least two weeks
14. I don't know what I'd do without my friends, especially my big brother and little sister
15. I'm not as strong as I seem to be

XXOX, J.

30 Posts Challenge

I've been meaning to write for a while now, but I haven't been in the best of moods so I didn't want it all to come out in my writing. However, I've decided to do a 30 post challenge to give me ideas without asking me to pour my heart out. I say 30 post challenge because I'm not going to post every day, and sometimes, I'll post more than once in a day.

XXOX, J.

Lyrics

I'm one of those people who listens to music strictly for the lyrics. I'm the annoying girl who changes the song as soon as the instrumental solo begins. Therefore, I thought I'd share some of my current favourite lyrics:

I'm torn apart; you've had your fun. Do you suppose I earned it? -- The Devil in Me - Kate Voegele

So try your best now baby, try your best to break me -- You Can't Break a Broken Heart - Kate Voegele

Maybe it's time to change, and leave it all behind. I've never been one to walk alone. I've always been scared to try -- Maybe - Sick Puppies

So go on love; leave while there's still hope for escape -- Kill - Jimmy Eat World

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming -- Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

I am what you see; I am not what they say. But if I turned out to be, could you love me anyway? -- You'll ask for me - Tyler Hilton

Drop a heart; break a name -- Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy

So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fly, but I'm just surviving; And I may be weak but I'm never defeated -- Sweet Silver Linning - Kate Voegele

You're way too young to be playing these games but you better start -- I'm not the One - 3Oh!3

She opens her eyes; and suddenly she cries. Can we help her? Can we help her? And she replies: you know? I fake it oh, so well, that God himself can't tell, what I mean and why my feet are less than parallel with my feet. You ask me what I need... and all I really need is to breathe. -- Breathe - He Is We

I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through -- Leave out All the Rest - Linkin Park

Oh, clouds of time, seem to rain on innocence left behind -- Kristy, are you Doing Okay? - The Offspring

Maybe redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell -- Dare you to Move - Switchfoot

What goes up's gonna come down. Don't be taken back, it's all because of you -- She's so Sorry - Hedley

Someday, we're gonna break free from these chains and keep on flyin' -- Someday - Flipsyde

Even a miracle happens too slow -- Scream - Hedley

To make a mountain of your life is just a choice -- Always Love - Nada Surf

I got your love letters, corrected the grammar, and sent them back -- The Music or the Misery - Fall Out Boy

You can move in. I won't ask where you've been 'cause everybody has a past -- If it's Love - Train

It's okay to be angry and never let go. It only gets harder the more that you know -- Empty Appartment - Yellowcard

And this is the war that's never won -- Pictures of You - The Last Goodnight

And I have to be sure that there's gonna be a cure; 'cause somewhere down the line, I lost that part of me that's pure -- Where we Belong - Thriving Ivory

Careful, follow my instruction and I will show you self-destruction -- Masterpiece Theatre I - Marianas Trench

'Cause it would take all week to tell you where I'm from -- Streets of Gold - 3Oh!3

I know they are all pretty random, but those are the ones that came to mind. Enjoy!

XXOX, J.

11 Days

11 days! It's really getting there. I thought it never would.

Anyways, I absolutely love my father. Now, if you can do basic Math, I'm sure you've guessed that my last exam is on Saturday, April 9th. My grandparents, who spend the winter in Florida are leaving the sunshine state on April 15th. Yesterday, as a joke, I was talking to my parents and said that I should fly out to meet them the day after my last exam and drive back up with them. My mom laughed and walked away. My dad, on the other said: "I'm sure they'd love that" and started looking for a plane ticket online. Of course, I got all excited. Then, we looked at my passport and realized that it's expired. So that seemed to be the end of that.

Tonight, I asked my dad how long it takes to get your passport renewed. He said, that if we pay overnight purolator, it may take about a week. Then he told me where to get the renewal form and get my new picture taken. I'm doing all of this right away tomorrow.

Obviously, I know that there's a very good chance that my passport won't be in on time, and that I'm probably not going to be going to Florida, but I still love my dad for being so supportive.

XXOX, J.

18 Days

18 Days. 18 Days. 18 Days. I have to keep repeating that just to get myself through the day. I have 18 days left until I am completely free from school and homework. In those 18 days, I have 4 essays, 3 tests, and 3 exams to write. Not bad, eh? Oh well, it will go by fast enough, hopefully.

Now, I have a question to ask. Why is it that those who barely know us are intent on judging us? Yes, I've done a few things in my life that not did not earn everyone's approval. However, does that mean they have the right to judge me, and give me a false reputation. I say "false reputation", not because I'm in denial, but because I know they're not right. My close friends, those who truly know me, know the truth. That's what should matter: what my close friends think of me. Not what the others think. If that's true, why are the words of the others hurting me? Why is a false statement uttered by an acquaintance making me feel horriible and question myself? It really shouldn't, but I guess we just can't help how things affect us. Clearly, if we could I'd feel a lot better.

XXOX, J.

23 Days

The countdown is on. In 23 days I will be done all of my courses and all of my exams. I will have survived my first year of University. It's been a rough year, but a very good one. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that I can't always  be perfect and that sometimes, it's only about doing my best. Yes, my grades have gone down in some of my classes.. but who cares? I'm passing, I'm surviving, and most importantly, I'm living. Life is short and it's meant to be lived. .. Right?

XXOX, J.

I CANNOT stop laughing!

http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/

This is the reason my essay that is due at midnight is not even close to being completed.

XXOX, J.

Day 10 - One Confession

Well this is a difficult one... I confess that I'm not perfect. Pretty obvious, is it not?  But I mean it with all my heart. I'm stuggling, more than I should be. I know I should be stronger than this, live for the happy moments, be all smiles, all the time, especially when everything's going well. However, I just can't. I can't be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect cousin, the perfect niece, the perfect grandaughter... I just can't. Life is just too cruel. You know, I'm sure there's a time limit to grieving. I'm also certain that you're probably not supposed to be grieving something that hasn't even happened yet. But I'm not perfect. Therefore, I'm grieving. Grieving for those I've lost, and one whose life is but a ticking clock. I try to be happy. I try to focus on my homework, do the dishes when I'm asked, attend the party to which I've been invited, make all the necessary efforts. You would think that it would be getting easier, no? It should be getting easier, and this feeling I have in the pit of my stomach should be getting smaller. I should be more patient with the world. But it's not getting any easier. This feeling I have, it's not going anywhere. I think that maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm not perfect.

XXOX, J.

Day 9 - Two Words that Describe your Life Right Now

Good     Bad

XXOX, J.

Day 8 - Three Turn Ons

1. Smile
2. Outgoing personality
3. A great body doesn't hurt either ;-)

XXOX, J.

Day 7 - Four Turn Offs

I am finally on Monday's post!

1. No sense of humour
2. No sense of adventure
3. Being overly cheesy
4. Being possessive

XXOX, J.

Day 6 - Five People who Mean a Lot to you (In no Particular Order)

1. My Mom
2. Dylan
3. My Siblings
4. My Dad
5. My Godmother

XXOX, J.

Day 5 - Six Things you Wish You'd Never Done

Well I'm terribly sorry to disapoint you, but I am a firm non-believer in regrets. I believe that every experience, even those that turned out horribly wrong led me to where I am now. I've learned a lot from my mistakes and would not be the same person without them. Also, another reason I don't believe in  regrets is because everything you did was exactly what you wanted at the time. Some people may couterattack and say "what about regretting the things you didn't do". However, if you didn't do them, it's because you didn't want to or had a reason at the time. If you went back to change that, you'd be upset in that point and time.

XXOX, J.

Day 4 - Seven Things that Cross your Mind A Lot

Please pretend the date says Friday, hehe. I've had a busy weekend.

1. I've changed so much in the past 6 months.
2. I don't know what I would do or where I would be without my best friends and my Mom.
3. I think I'm addicted to TV
4. The homework I have to do
5. Life, and how cruel and unfair it can be at times
6. Life, and how truly amazing it is sometimes
7. Life, and how complexe it is in all its simplicity

XXOX, J.

A Quote that Describes my Life at the Moment

"It doesn't hurt enough to ignore the world, but too much to be patient with it."
-Parenthood

XXOX, J.

Day 3 - Eight Ways to Win your Heart

Oh wow! This is a tough one. I'll give it my best though. Here goes:

1. Pay a little more attention to me than others.
2. Show me that you know or notice little things about me.
3. Make me laugh.
4. Comfort me when I'm sad.
5. Say my name once and a while when you're speaking to me.
6. Make sure to have physical contact once in a while (touch my arm or leg while you're talking to me, poke or squeeze me when you go by me, etc.)
7. Show an interest in my interests.
8. Squeeze tight when you hug me.

Okay, so I know they're dumb, and they don't all really have to do with rommance, but that's all I can come up with.

XXOX, J.

Day 2 - Nine Things About Yourself

Hello!

I'm just going to jump right into this one!

1. I am a hypochondriac.
2. I am a University student who is majoring in English and French.
3. My friends keep me grounded.
4. I have a tattoo of a blue star.
5. My feet are size 7.
6. I watch waaay too much TV.
7. My favourite place in the world is my camp.
8. I don't believe in regrets.
9. I am terrified of losing my mind.

XXOX, J.

Day 1 - Ten Things you Want to Say to Ten Different People Right Now

Hey.

So I know my 30 day challenge didn't really work out, but this time, I've found a 10 day challenge. This might be a bit easier, I believe.

Okay, on to the challenge of the day:

1. You're not even happy, so why are you together?
2. You have nothing to complain about.
3. Thank you so much for getting in touch with me. It means more to me than you could ever know.
4. I don't know what I would do without you.
5. It was good to see you again.
6. What the hell did I do now?
7. Stay strong, and please pull through this.
8. I'm sorry if I hurt you.
9. I miss you.
10. I'm sorry I can't be stronger about this.

XXOX, J.

And I'm Not Naive Anymore...

Hey.

I know! I am a really big liar. I said I would write soon and I didn’t. I’m sorry but I’ve been rather preoccupied. School is really crazy. I have so much work to do. But it’s been more that I’ve been emotionally preoccupied.

You know, I’ve lost two of my friends recently, and it’s really taken a toll on me. I never really wanted to write about it before, but I think it might be a good idea. In May, my good friend Steph was killed in a tractor accident. It was the biggest tragedy I’ve ever known. This guy was so nice, so funny and loved by everyone. He wasn’t a bad kid at all. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, he did not get to graduate or see his 18^th birthday. We weren’t that close, but he had become a part of my life. We’d hang out, talk, text, etc. That’s why, when it actually came down to it, I felt like I didn’t have the right to grieve. He was one of my best friend’s boyfriends, therefore, I just stayed strong for her and tried to help her in any way that I could. I also attempted to stay strong around other friends of his because they’d known him better and longer than me. I always thought: “this is affecting them a lot more than me. It is much harder for them.” Maybe that is true, but it doesn’t mean that it didn’t affect me at all. You know how they say we can always look back and point out the moment we truly lost our innocence? That is mine. Not only had I lost a friend, but I felt defeated. Life had finally got me down. I realized then that we are far from invincible and that life isn’t fair. It isn’t because you are a great person that you will have it all. I used to be a firm believer in karma, but that’s all gone now. I can’t see that Steph, or his parents had done anything bad enough to deserve this. This event scarred me more than anything that had ever happened to me personally.

On the 6 month anniversary of Steph’s death, a few of my friends and I went to visit his memorial at the lot where the accident had happened. It was difficult, but we mostly just shared funny stories about our deceased friend. Later that night, I got home and my mom had that look on her face. You know that look that says: “I’ve got something that I don’t want to tell you, but I have to”? I sat down, and she told me that a friend I used to have a few years ago had decided to take his own life. He had a tumor pressing on his eye that had gotten into the part of his brain that controls his emotions. Consequently, it lead him to kill himself. I hadn’t spoken to him in over a year but this death hurt me quite a bit. I believe that it affected me so much because I was, at the same time that I was grieving for the most recent death in my life, relieving the trauma from the first one. And this time, I think I finally let myself grieve the way I should have. I was grieving for both of my friends, and I was also grieving for the innocence I had lost and would never get back.

I don’t understand how some believe in God. I am not judging, nor am I trying to offend anyone. I am just trying to understand. In their faith, those who believe in God believe that he has control over basically everything. If he does, why on earth would he have taken a good kid, before even giving him the chance to graduate? Why would he have given a boy a tumor that caused him a lot of pain and suffering, and ultimately, lead him to take his  own life? If that’s your God, your God is cruel.

The most recent events in my life are just supporting my previous statements. My 12 year old cousin, is probably the most amazing, the strongest, the most heart-warming person you will ever meet. However, he was born with Cystic Fibroses and a bicuspids aortic valve. Cystic Fibroses is a disease that affects usually the lungs OR the pancreas. But for my poor Dylan, it is in both of those organs. His pancreas fails to absorb any of the enzymes and fat he is putting into his body. His lungs are completely full of mucus, all of the time. If you took a straw… not a big one but one of those tiny white straws, put it in your mouth, and blocked your nose, you would find it very difficult to breathe. That’s how it feels for him every single day of his life. The bicuspids aortic valve is a completely different and unrelated disease. We all have three valves pumping out our blood from our heart, but he only has two. Considering he has all of this, I’m sure you can imagine what kind of life he leads. He suffers every day. How can I bring myself to believe in a higher power? How can I not think that your God is cruel? Three weeks ago, he was sent home from school because he was sick. It was a Wednesday. By Sunday, he had stopped breathing and we were required to call an ambulance. They had to give him 18 puffs of oxygen amongst many other things to keep him alive on the way to the hospital. He stayed hospitalized until Wednesday, where they released him without actually knowing what was really going on with him. His sats had gone up, but not exactly high enough and his breathing got a bit better, but only because he was on constant oxygen. But they released him from the hospital  anyways. Well, at home, he did not get any better. If anything, he was getting worse. His fever was up, he had no energy and no urge to eat. I spent as much time as I could with him, giving him his treatments, watching movies with him, trying to get him to eat. I would even miss school to go spend time with him and take care of him. Then, yesterday, my aunt got a call from the hospital. He had H1N1 that, because it was left untreated, has turned into a severe pneumonia. Pneumonia is dangerous to everyone, let alone a 12 year old who has Cystic Fibroses. Everyone around me has been telling me things like “it’s going to be okay”, “he’ll pull through this, I promise”. But guess what! I’m not naïve anymore. I know that you can’t make those promises. I knew on some sort of level before, but I know from first-hand experience now. You can’t tell me it’s going to be okay. You don’t know that any more than I do. I know this makes it hard for those who are trying to be there for me, and I apologize, but can anyone really blame me? I’ve really lost a lot of faith in the past year.

So that’s what’s been going on with me.

XXOX, J.