Well this is a difficult one... I confess that I'm not perfect. Pretty obvious, is it not? But I mean it with all my heart. I'm stuggling, more than I should be. I know I should be stronger than this, live for the happy moments, be all smiles, all the time, especially when everything's going well. However, I just can't. I can't be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect cousin, the perfect niece, the perfect grandaughter... I just can't. Life is just too cruel. You know, I'm sure there's a time limit to grieving. I'm also certain that you're probably not supposed to be grieving something that hasn't even happened yet. But I'm not perfect. Therefore, I'm grieving. Grieving for those I've lost, and one whose life is but a ticking clock. I try to be happy. I try to focus on my homework, do the dishes when I'm asked, attend the party to which I've been invited, make all the necessary efforts. You would think that it would be getting easier, no? It should be getting easier, and this feeling I have in the pit of my stomach should be getting smaller. I should be more patient with the world. But it's not getting any easier. This feeling I have, it's not going anywhere. I think that maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm not perfect.
XXOX, J.
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