I didn’t really think about it until it happened. 20 years old… I am 20 years old. Doesn’t seem like a huge deal right? It’s not like 13, when you become a teenager. It’s not like 16 when you can now get a driver’s license. It’s not like 18 when you can vote or gamble. And it’s definitely not like 19 when you can finally (legally) consume alcohol. 20 years old gives you pretty much nothing. However, I am taking it really really hard. I know it’s just a number, but it hit me like a ton of bricks: I’m officially not a teenager anymore.
At my age, my mother was married and living with my dad. What am I doing? I’m at home, living with my parents. I actually still count on my mom to make my dinner and do my laundry. Is that wrong? And I’m still in school (which is a good thing, I know) but it just feels stale. I go to school, go to work, and do homework during the week, and party on the weekends. It’s the same thing I’ve been doing for a while now. I enjoy it, or at least I used to, until I thought to myself.. what have I actually accomplished in the past twenty years?
I can answer that in three words: not very much. Yeah, I graduated high school, got into university, etc, etc… I did exactly everything that was expected of me, exactly the way in which it was expected. But I’ve never done anything that wasn’t part of the plan, nothing really memorable. I guess that’s why 20 was such a hard one for me. I literally feel like I’m supposed to move out of my parents house and learn to survive on my own. But let’s face it, if you know me at all, you know I’ll probably never be able to survive on my own. That’s not putting an end to this weird feeling I have though. I guess I just really need a change… Maybe it’s time for something that was never part of the plan.
XXOX, J.
